My Girlfriend's Got A Kamagotchi

Category Archive
  • Everything’s Okay Computer

    Everything’s Okay Computer

    Radiohead’s No Surprises was playing over the PA in the varsity bar yesterday. Until that moment I realised I had completely forgot one of the first things I loved about. A Fake Plastic Tree moment – when you revisit something so amazing yet has rested for so long you senses tune in, arrested by what feels like a new discovery.

  • Anarchist Crab and Bipolar Jellyfish: Part III

    Anarchist Crab and Bipolar Jellyfish: Part III

    Patrolling the oesophagus of her temporary new home, Laurie would be feeling more ashamed if she wasn’t already feeling so sorry for herself.

  • Anarchist Crab and Bipolar Jellyfish: Part II

    Anarchist Crab and Bipolar Jellyfish: Part II

    The Anarchist Crab mindlessly watched a fog bank roll across a distant and uncertain sun. Through the distant roar of waves and whisking winds it could hear the Bipolar Jellyfish passionately explain its common and concerning happenstance of being beached.

  • Anarchist Crab and Bipolar Jellyfish: Part I

    Anarchist Crab and Bipolar Jellyfish: Part I

    A Tale of Winter and Samsara on Sullivan’s Island: The Anarchist Crab scuttled back and forth in a fury of panic. This occurred daily. Yet, it never altered or dented the vexation and venom with which the Anarchist Crab put into the monotonous task of digging a new home – because it was a job, and a joke, (which many of us can sympathise) to accommodate something out of its control.

  • Tedious Giraffe & The Morose Blue Gorilla: Part III

    Tedious Giraffe & The Morose Blue Gorilla: Part III

    The rain stops as suddenly as it starts. The sky clears and the Grand Basin quickly turns dry and brown and crusty again. A familiar cycle sloughs in the leaves with the warm breeze, wafting into the joints and hearts of all creatures.

  • Tedious Giraffe & The Morose Blue Gorilla: Part II

    Tedious Giraffe & The Morose Blue Gorilla: Part II

    The Morose Blue Gorilla appeared at the beginning of the wet season. Scattered showers rode indiscriminately overhead and the long, dark green grass quickly returned. Its copper tinted stems glinted in the sunlight. It was said to be caused by Mt Thirsty – some claimed alchemy in the soil.

  • Tedious Giraffe & The Morose Blue Gorilla: Part I

    Tedious Giraffe & The Morose Blue Gorilla: Part I

    The Tedious Giraffe wasn’t to blame. She was taller than most giraffes and covered in big, brown, woolly oblong patches. She was well beyond the sharp pinch of loneliness that compelled other creatures of the Grand Basin into complex arrangements of company and elaborate communities based on caste and status.

  • The Big Blue House

    The Big Blue House

    In the town I grew up people combated the daily heat and ennui with unremitting talk about the weather and weekend sports results. It would be considered a feat of phenomenal endurance to outsiders if the remote, coastal palaver didn’t bore them deaf. Then, one day a monstrous blue house was built on a hill by the beach.

  • The Soap Factory Girl: Part IV

    The Soap Factory Girl: Part IV

    Dale visited Flossmans sporadically to see or pick up his girlfriend. She worked in the lingerie department. It exuded erotic and dark flavours and charms – spiced sandalwood, chicory and sweet chrism brightened by infusions of pomegranate and rose petal.

  • Soap Factory Girl: Part III

    Soap Factory Girl: Part III

    Why Dale stopped talking to Genevieve and lost interest in her and her mother he would never recall. He broke his leg coming off old Salzerac, his father’s harness horse and missed the end of term and graduation. At the end of the holidays he was sent to board at a mediocre private Agnostic school in the city while the rest of his friends and class remained in the township and attended the local comprehensive.

  • The Soap Factory Girl: Part II

    The Soap Factory Girl: Part II

    By the end of winter the saddler’s son had in fact made the soap factory girl fall in love with him. He abandoned the school playground at midday recess and occasionally skipped class to see her on her lunch break, or when she was working a split shift.

  • Soap Factory Girl: Part I

    Soap Factory Girl: Part I

    She started working at the soap factory when it opened in autumn. He walked her home through the butterscotch and peanut brittle leaves. He was the son of a saddler. It seemed right to Dale when he told her he would make her fall in love with him.

  • 8 Levels of My Ex-Girlfriend’s Whatevering!

    8 Levels of My Ex-Girlfriend’s Whatevering!

  • The Pity Monster: Don’t Pity Me – Ya Fool!

    The Pity Monster: Don’t Pity Me – Ya Fool!

    Many people deride pity. Like an allergy it incites discomfort and queesiness from any number of causes – often its a case of inflated pride and insecurities. To these people I say, ‘Damn you – Damn you all the way to the Pity Monster!’

  • The Amateur Perfectionist Projectionist: Part III

    The Amateur Perfectionist Projectionist: Part III

    The following Monday Josphine wrote a review of Finn’s birthday movie night in the double-sheeted weekly newspaper Lieb had just launched. It was titled Amateur Perfectionist Projectionist.

  • The Amateur Perfectionist Projectionist: Part II

    The Amateur Perfectionist Projectionist: Part II

    Duston and Russell grew frustrated and tired missing or letting lizards slip through their fingers. They deliberately flattened their hands and began indiscriminately smacking the walls. They squashed one accidentally and were satisfied. Then Duston pinned a straw lizard against a hot brick.

  • The Amateur Perfectionist Projectionist: Part I

    The Amateur Perfectionist Projectionist: Part I

    The plane soared upward like a ballistic Phoenix until it was a splinter in the sun and everyone squinted and turned away. They missed it curl around. Then it swooped down to a choir of hoops and screams that lifted and fell when it appeared gravity would smite its cavalier defiance.

  • The Vegetarian Mosquito: Part III

    The Vegetarian Mosquito: Part III

    Gonzalos swims in the light sleep of morning. He dances in his dreams to a bolero of unrequited love Rosita is humming. She had started singing boleros the day before, with her head drooped over the starboard aft, her gaze lost in the shimmering water like she was singing to the ocean itself.

  • The Vegetarian Mosquito: Part II

    The Vegetarian Mosquito: Part II

    Suspicion is deceitful like the way of a serpent or a teenager. Cloaked in carpet camouflage it remains hidden, slithering silently in the back of the mind, hissing whispers of doubt. It feeds on ailments and weakness.

  • The Vegetarian Mosquito: Part I

    The Vegetarian Mosquito: Part I

    Light swell slaps the wooden hull. Gonzalos, the Bolivian Vegetarian Mosquito stands shivering on the cleat at the pointed bow of the life boat. He has lost so much weight – the Vegetarian Mosquito is reduced to the sleek predatory design of his continental sisters and cousins.

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