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Over the past two years I’ve agonisingly searched, tried and failed to elevate myself above the cliché of an obscure author and pauper artist to gain any real kind of employment. And I thought with the start of a new year it prudent to review my transferable skills beyond my vocational history in media production and hospitality to see if I could strengthen my résumé and broaden my search criteria.

I have never advocated ‘cute’ – I don’t even have a single sweet tooth (I’m not sure why I admitted that just now – it somehow seemed relevant). I eschew cuteness (and any sort of false aesthetic) like fast food chains and hipsters – the same way I avoid the high street shops, hypocrisy, sycophants and those prone to rhetorical questioning, pointing to make a point or idle whistling.